She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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