so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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