I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize