trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize