how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
