you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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