Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
