man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
