Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
