You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
