I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
