Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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