what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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