well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You may now shotgun with the bride
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
