what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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