I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
