I met the friendliest cop last night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
