he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My life is pants optional.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
