Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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