Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize