Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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