I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
