Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
