she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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