I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
