i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
