We're like a lot better than the average bears
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
