You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The power of my boobs compel you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
