she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
