god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
