apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
