you turned your livingroom into a bong?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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