Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
