i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
