Is it because I queefed?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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