So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Randomize