and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
