i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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