I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
