wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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