when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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