You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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