Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
