The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
