I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
