So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
