nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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