ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
