I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
