Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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