actually, I'm a sock model
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Someone stole a lamp last night.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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