If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
