I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
