jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
