better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
