When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
