It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
did i just pee glitter
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize