You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My cat gives me a boner
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
