Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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