I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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