I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
