covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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