I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
