Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
