Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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