Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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