y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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