Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
