can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
