Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
