I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
