I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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