well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
BRING THE BAGELS
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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